


I could make all the tables turn

by TardisIsTheOnlyWayToTravel



Series: A Rose By Any Other Name [4]
Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: (Temporary) Character Death, Alternate Timelines, Crack, Episode: s03e12-e13 The Sound of Drums/Last of the Time Lords, F/M, Ridiculousness, Rose is the Master
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-16
Updated: 2014-11-16
Packaged: 2018-02-25 14:21:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2624987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TardisIsTheOnlyWayToTravel/pseuds/TardisIsTheOnlyWayToTravel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The alternate Master looked confused and insulted.</p><p>“Excuse me?”</p><p>“I’m <i>you</i>, idiot,” the Master sneered at him, with another eyeroll. “From another timeline. I used a Chameleon Arch, disguised myself as a baby girl named Rose Tyler, and when I was all grown-up I opened the pocket watch. Are you really telling me you can’t even recognise <i>yourself</i>, or did you just not bother to <i>look?</i>”</p>
            </blockquote>





	I could make all the tables turn

**Author's Note:**

> *sighs* Every time I think I've finished this series, I get a new idea. So here you go - canon meets the A Rose By Any Other Name verse. Simm!Master vs. Rose!Master. Have fun.

**I could make all the tables turn**

The thing was, the TARDIS was the last TARDIS left in the universe, and while deep in her heart the Master had developed an affection for the old thing that she refused to admit to, the fact was, that model of TARDIS had been scrapped for a _reason_. The Type 40 was ancient, and erratic, and strange events tended to happen as a result of its wobbly travel through the time-space continuum.

It hadn’t been so bad when Gallifrey was still around to stabilise the Doctor’s TARDIS, but since the planet had gone kaput, weird little fluctuations kept happening.

And sometimes these fluctuations weren’t exactly ‘little.’ Like right now, for example.

The Master picked herself up off the ground with a curse, knowing immediately that this wasn’t her timeline. Everything felt _off_ , like a tune being played in a minor key. On top of that there was some kind of major space-time warp going on, and the Master was at the centre of it.

The Master glanced over at the TARDIS console, grimacing at the way it had been mutilated. She’d never built a Paradox Machine, herself, but she’d studied the theory and blueprints for them back on Gallifrey, and she knew a Paradox Machine when she saw one.

The TARDIS was humming a mournful dirge inside her head, confused and in pain, and the Master found that the sound was making her angry. Scowling, she gave the TARDIS console a quick pat, and stalked out of the TARDIS.

The Master didn’t recognise her surroundings, but that was fine. She called out to the first person she saw, a girl in a ridiculous maid’s outfit.

“Oi!” the Master called out. “Mind telling me where I can find whoever’s in charge of this place?”

The girl looked frightened and alarmed.

“How did you get here?” she hissed. “No one’s supposed to be able to get on board except by direct permission! He’ll kill you!”

The Master just grinned.

“He can try,” she said cheerfully. “But I’m awfully hard to kill, and very good at killing people back. Who’s ‘he’, by the way?”

The girl looked at the Master like she was crazy.

“The Master!” she said, lowering her voice a little, and glancing around as though to make sure she wasn’t overheard by anyone else.

“Right, of course,” the Master muttered. She’d been counting it as a possibility – how many people were left in the universe who knew how to build a Paradox Machine? – but the thought of being confronted by an alternate-timeline version of herself was a little unnerving. “Who else would build a Paradox Machine?”

She looked back at the girl.

“What’s your name?” the Master asked, with a friendly smile.

“Tish,” said the girl, looking wary and worried.

“Tish? Lovely name,” the Master said, with her best fake sincerity. “You wouldn’t be able to tell me what planet I’m on, would you?”

“Earth,” said Tish, with horror dawning in her eyes. “Are you – are you an _alien?_ ”

“Guilty,” the Master agreed. “But don’t worry about me, I haven’t tried to conquer or destroy anything in ages, and Earth is sort of my adopted home, these days. Now, do you mind telling me where I can find the Master?”

Tish reluctantly gave the Master instructions on finding her alternate-timeline self, and the Master thanked her, and walked on, while Tish scampered away in the opposite direction.

The Master strode into a large room – some kind of viewing deck? – with large plate-glass windows that looked out onto the sky. Loud music was playing, and a man in a suit was dancing along, and taunting an old man in a wheelchair.

The Master pulled out her laser screwdriver – really, who’d have sonic? – and turned the music off.

“Are you the one who built the Paradox Machine?” she asked loudly. “Because if you are, I have a bone to pick with you.”

The man in the suit turned to face her, and the Master looked him over. The suit was nice, and he was reasonably good-looking – younger than most of her regenerations, too. The old man in the wheelchair looked around as well, and horribly-familiar brown eyes widened in shocked recognition.

“ _Rose?_ ” the aged Doctor croaked, sounding horrified.

But the alternate Master was already walking forward with a predatory grin.

“Rose Tyler!” he said happily. “Ooh, and here I thought you were trapped in an alternate universe! Tell me, how did you get out?” He made a mock ‘aww’ face. “Even the boundaries between universes can’t part you and your Doctor forever, apparently. How _sweet!_ ”

The Master rolled her eyes.

“Are you really this thick?” she asked rhetorically. “Is this regeneration particularly stupid, or something?”

The alternate Master looked confused and insulted.

“Excuse me?”

“I’m _you_ , idiot,” the Master sneered at him, with another eyeroll. “From another timeline. I used a Chameleon Arch, disguised myself as a baby girl named Rose Tyler, and when I was all grown-up I opened the pocket watch. Are you really telling me you can’t even recognise _yourself_ , or did you just not bother to _look?_ ”

The aged Doctor was looking aghast and incredulous as he realised the truth of the Master’s words, while the alternate Master stared in shock. Then the alternate Master gave a hoot of laughter.

“The Doctor’s little human love, and she’s _me!_ Oh, I can only imagine his face! Wait, no – I don’t have to! I can see it right here!” The alternate Master gestured mockingly at the aged Doctor, who was now looking horrified and distraught.

“He doesn’t look exactly happy about it, does he?” the Master mused. “Is there a reason why he’s elderly?” she added curiously.

“Oh, you know how it is,” the alternate Master said cheerfully. “A little experimental technology, you just itch to try it out, don’t you?”

“He just looks weird without the hair,” the Master said critically, surveying the aged Doctor. “I don’t know, the hair just seems to be part of him, this regeneration.”

The alternate Master pouted.

“You don’t like it?”

“I just think he wears the tortured look better when he’s younger,” said the Master. “It’s the whole pretty-boy look, yeah? Big sad eyes, all that.”

“You may have a point,” the alternate Master said pensively, with a frown. “He does seem to have only the one expression, these days. ‘Stoic old person’. Well, I can change _that!_ ”

The alternate Master pulled out his own laser screwdriver and aimed it at the aged Doctor. A moment later the Master was looking at a familiar messy-haired, skinny bloke, who was staring at the Master with surprise and suspicion. She winked at him when the other Master wasn’t looking. The alternate Doctor’s eyebrows shot up.

“So, tell me about your evil plans,” said the Master, turning away from the alternate Doctor to smile at the alternate Master. “I assume you’ve conquered the Earth?”

“Oh, of course,” said the alternate Master, with a smirk and a nod. “I’ve more than _decimated_ the population, and everything is controlled by me. We should be ready to move out and start conquering the rest of the galaxy in a matter of months.” The alternate Master looked pleased with himself.

The Master shared his grin, carefully not allowing any sign of a scowl to show. God, she hated meeting herself – she was always such a _berk_. Couldn’t she meet a tolerable version of herself, for once? But no, apparently not. Even alternate-universe doubles were just as irritating, it seemed.

“You _have_ got it all sorted, haven’t you?” the Master said admiringly.

“Oh, I have,” the alternate Master agreed. “But please, tell me about _you_. What have you accomplished?”

This time, the Master’s grin was real and mischievous.

“Well, I haven’t been myself for all that long,” she lied effortlessly, “but me being Rose Tyler? _Really_ did a number on my Doctor.” She smirked. “Oh, you should’ve seen him. So much _angst_. And even now, he’s wrapped around my little finger. It’s precious.” The Master gave her tongue-in-teeth grin, and the alternate Master grinned back, delighted.

“Ooh, that _does_ sound like fun.” He looked momentarily wistful. “It almost makes me wish I could go back and become Rose Tyler myself.” He wrinkled his nose. “The whole being-in-love with the Doctor thing puts me off, though.”

“I _know_ ,” said the Master fervently. “Believe me. Years of being in love with him as a human, and then I was myself and just went, you have _got_ to be kidding me.” She shook her head in disgust.

The alternate Doctor was looking sad, presumably for his counterpart.

“Anyway,” the Master went on, “the Doctor’s TARDIS seems to have experienced a little hiccup, and shunted me sideways into your timeline. Don’t suppose you can help get me home? I mean, one timeline isn’t exactly big enough for the two of us.” She raised an eyebrow.

The alternate Master laughed.

“You saw my work on this TARDIS, then?” he asked smugly.

“A Paradox Machine,” the Master agreed. “Couldn’t have built it better myself. Well. _Obviously_.”

“Alright, then,” said the alternate Master, turning away towards the door, “let me just call the guards to take this idiot to a cell, don’t want him getting any ideas –”

The Master pulled out her laser screwdriver, adjusted it to the ‘death laser’ setting, and aimed it at the back of the other Master’s head.

“ _No!_ ” the alternate Doctor burst out, but the Master had already hit the button.

The alternate Master crumpled to the floor.

“What have you _done?_ ” the alternate Doctor demanded furiously, running to the alternate Master’s side and falling to his knees beside him. “Regenerate!” he yelled at the alternate Master. “Regenerate, damn you!”

“Now, now, Doctor,” the Master said, stepping closer. “You know that anything that takes out the brain straight away usually prevents the regeneration process. I mean, I could be wrong – if anyone could find a way around that, it’s me. But somehow, I don’t think that’s going to happen.”

The alternate Doctor wasn’t paying any attention, holding onto the alternate Master’s body, tears pouring down her face.

There was the sound of a throat clearing, and the Master glanced over to see her own Doctor standing in the doorway, arms folded. It figured he’d turn up right at the worst moment. Still, part of the Master was glad to see him, as always. How annoying.

“What have you done _now?_ ” her Doctor asked. “You know interfering with other timelines is forbidden!”

“I killed my alternate-universe double,” the Master explained.

“You _what?_ ”

“You heard me. Oh, don’t look at me like that,” said the Master, when her Doctor looked like he was about to tear his hair out in furious exasperation. “He’s conquered the Earth and killed off half the population. And don’t tell me you didn’t get a look at what he’s done to the TARDIS.”

“Did you have to kill him, though?” the Master’s Doctor asked.

The Master rolled her eyes. Sooner or later, dealing with the Doctor was going to give her eye strain just from how often that happened.

“Oh my God, you’re both _idiots_ ,” she exclaimed, and stalked over to the alternate Master’s body.

“What are you doing?” cried the alternate Doctor, but the Master yanked off the ring on the alternate Master’s finger, and waved it under the alternate Doctor’s nose.

“Take a _look_ , moron,” she said.

“ _Master_ ,” her Doctor reproved, sounding disappointed in her. The Master ignored him.

But the alternate Doctor’s eyes widened as he finally noticed the design on the ring.

“It’s–”

“A receptacle for DNA and memory storage, I know,” said the Master patronisingly. “If you’re that desperate not to be alone, you can always bring him back. In the meantime, I suggest we dismantle the mess he’s made of your TARDIS. I can hear her wailing in my head, and it’s making me angry.”

The alternate Doctor reverently took the ring from the Master, and cradled it in his hands.

“Why?” he asked quietly. “Why are you doing this?”

“Because this idiot got to me,” she said, jerking her thumb at her own Doctor. “All that time as Rose Tyler, in love with the Doctor, and some of it stuck.” She made a face. “It’s disgusting, but there’s nothing I can do about it.”

Dawning understanding and wonder showed on the alternate Doctor’s face.

“You mean–”

“Yup,” said the Master’s Doctor, grinning. “She loves me.”

“Oh, shut up,” said the Master, scowling. “Don’t look so _smug_. It makes you look like a weasel, you know.”

Her Doctor made a weird face at that, and the alternate Doctor stared at them both, with something that might have been envy in his eyes.

“Now come on,” said the Master briskly, straightening. “The sooner my Doctor and I can get home, the sooner you can sort out _this_ mess.”

“Thank you,” said the alternate Doctor softly, getting to his own feet. The Master grimaced.

“Please. Don’t thank me. _Really_.”

Together, the three of them started to walk back to where the TARDIS was. As they did, the Master’s Doctor slipped an arm around her shoulders and dropped a kiss on her hair, which the Master allowed, because if anyone deserved affection and devotion after the day she was having, it was her.

“Remind me to have words with the TARDIS when we get back,” she told her Doctor. “Sending me to alternate timelines is not acceptable.”

“I don’t know,” said her Doctor, reflectively, “it didn't work out too badly, did it?”

The Master went to pinch him, but the Doctor was used to her doing that by now, and quickly ducked away out of range before she could.

“Idiots,” the Master muttered. “I’m surrounded by them. The only one with any sense is Martha.”

“You know Martha?” asked the alternate Doctor.

“She travels with us,” Rose’s Doctor explained.

The Master resisted yet another eyeroll, and stalked ahead of them before she had to deal with the two of them getting all chummy, Gallifrey help her.

She was _so_ having words with the TARDIS when she got back to her own timeline, she thought darkly.


End file.
